Of Answers and Questions
- The perfect OB/GYN who doesn't jump on you if you gain more than a pound a week.
- A phone number where you can call day or night with any stinking, aching, whattheheckwasthatpain?? type questions and the nurse is receptive, cheerful, believing, and as concerned as you are!
- A doctor that calls you back within five minutes, hears you out completely and gives you a calming, truthful answer.
- A magical book that somehow answers every question you could possibly have, completely reassures you that you are totally normal, and takes the worries from your mind. It wouldn't hurt if it told you how lovely you were every day, either.
- The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and a boppy.
Family & Friends
- Ear plugs to drown out the unwanted advice!
- A pregnant friend who gains more weight than you!
- And who has tons of bright purple stretch marks all over (her legs, her neck etc).
- A pregnant friend you can compare notes and commiserate with.
- A gift certificate that entitles you to 9 free bras, one for each month as your breasts get bigger and bigger.
- A book of the "perfect" responses to use for all of the dumb comments: i.e., You haven't had that baby yet?!? My god you are HUGE are you having twins?, etc.
- A sign to hang around your neck that states: "I am pregnant, what's your excuse?"
- Caller ID so you can screen out calls from the mother-in-law.
- A camera. Gotta have lots of belly pics to show the peanut later!
Bathroom Humor
- A nice big bathtub, so your protruding tummy does not get cold. Of course, we all know you should not take a real hot bath, but warm ones feel so darn good all 9 months.
- A handicapped bar to pull yourself up those last few months.
- A catheter for home use to cut down on the numerous trips to the bathroom!
- Maternity panties that don't come up to your neck!
- I started buying the softest toilet paper while pregnant because I was wiping at least five times more than before! I think that's the best pregnancy luxury there is!
- A nine month supply of panty liners!
- A doctor that calls you back within five minutes, hears you out completely and gives you a calming, truthful answer.
