I recently gave a talk to a group of nutrition educators where I shared the story of a television broadcaster who was nursing a three year old. Her experience centered around the intimacy between her and her son and how breastfeeding was central to their relationship. “I know nursing won’t last forever,” I read, quoting her. “In a couple of years he’s not going to want to be held, cuddled and kissed all the time. So even though it would be nice if he would sleep through the night in his own bed, I don’t actively say that I have to stop next month, that this has to end. And just like I think he’ll potty train and give up naps when he’s ready, he’ll sleep alone and stop nursing when he’s ready.”
After my talk, a woman approached me. “I want to thank you on behalf of my 21 month-old daughter,” she said. “This was just what I needed to hear.” Her extended family was pressuring her to wean, she explained, and because the previous night had been her first night apart from her daughter, she reluctantly resigned herself to follow their advice. “But after hearing your stories,” she said defiantly, “I’m going to keep on nursing!” I was struck by the gratitude in her voice, the relief that she could, in fact, follow her heart.
Such is the power of story telling. And such is the need for women to share their breastfeeding stories. Because formula-feeding mothers are more prevalent and visible, nursing mothers often feel unsupported, invisible, and unheard. They get the message that their experience, their “story,” doesn’t matter. But breastfeeding stories are important. Here are several reasons why they matter – both to mothers, as well as to their health care providers and others who support them.
Stories Reduce Anxiety, Insecurity and Loneliness.
It’s not hard to find a pregnant woman in the U.S. today who has never seen anyone nurse. Not having a basic understanding of what to expect creates insecurity and anxiety and helps explain why half of all women who set out to nurse give it up in the first two weeks. It may even help explain why American women have the highest post-partum depression rate in the Western world.
Because our culture focuses more on the birth of a baby, and less on the birth of a mother, women are often desperate for connection and emotional support. Stories play a key role. As Jennifer, a new mother said, “My friends hadn’t told me their nursing troubles because they said if I knew how hard it could be sometimes, I’d never have tried. Yet more stories would have kept me from feeling so alone in my journey.”
Stories Enhance Value and Visibility
Many women desperately need to be heard. In the ten years I have spent listening to women’s breastfeeding stories, many have shared some of the most intimate details of their lives and then thanked me. This kind of gratitude speaks to an intense need to feel validated and understood. As Dean Ornish writes in the introduction to Kitchen Table Wisdom, sharing our stories helps us “transcend the isolation that separates us from each other and from ourselves.”
Honest discussions about breastfeeding have value well beyond the first few weeks, in part because the longer a woman nurses, the less visible she becomes. “Even though I used to nurse my daughter everywhere, I guess I’m bowing to societal pressure,” admits the nursing mother of a two year old. “Rather than having to deal with strangers saying, “What are you doing nursing that big ol’ kid?” I’m now selective in the situations in which I allow her to nurse. It’s not as automatic as it used to be.” Sharing our stories helps women leave the nursery behind. It asserts our right to be part of the public domain.
